I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
