Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
