New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
