I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
