There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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