If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
