You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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