I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
