gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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