As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
