I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
