Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
