Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
