i think my tv is drunk
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
