It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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