I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
