my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
