I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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