nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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