i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
