I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
