The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
