"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
