I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
