I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
