I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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