In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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