I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
