I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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