why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i've created a new STD.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
