I don't usually arrange sex via text message
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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