it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
