we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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