just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
