her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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