I want to stick my p in your. b.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
