i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
