If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
