I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
