textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
