i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just invented taco cereal.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Someone came in the potted fern
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
