He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You have to summon your inner elephant
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
