its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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