Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
