She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
