we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
