Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
