I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
