Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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