why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
