Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
