I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
