just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
