I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
