..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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