I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
being pregnant is like rehab
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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